i think i would feel better if i could just get this off my mind and out into the air space. it will help me release some of it from my thoughts and that's what i need right now, for this not to be a huge chunk of my thoughts.
i hate spending time regretting - more than the actual feeling of regret - because there is absolutely nothing constructive to spending time regretting. it's not like reminiscing. at least when you reminisce good feelings arise when you're thinking about something positive that you did in the past. but the draw to dwell on past choices i wish i hadn't made is so strong ... and no good feelings arise as a result.
i have to keep reminding myself of the reasons i chose to have the surgery to remove the mucocele:
1. to definitely determine the diagnosis of the growth
2. to remove the ugly mucocele from inside my lip
based on these two criteria, the surgery was a success. the pathological diagnosis is mucocele so i can be relieved that it wasn't an STD or cancerous. i like knowing the answer to mysterious things - especially with my health - so the surgery afforded me that. and now that the unsightly bulb has been removed, i can kiss with confidence, so the surgery afforded me that.
at my check up, the doctor was vague when i asked him if/when the numbness in my lower lip and the hard scar at the site of the removal would disappear. he said he couldn't guarantee that my feeling would return or that the wound would disappear but that over time it "should" do so.
[enter, regret]
i may have been naive to assume that after the mucocele was removed the entire site would be exactly back to pre-mucocele normal. and now i fear the prospect of always having a hard scar and numbness on such a integral spot for pleasurable sensations.
but what was the next best alternative to surgery? popping it and draining it. but that didn't ensure that it wouldn't fill back up with saliva plus the popping could introduce a chance for infection. see, there, i've convinced myself that it was the right decision.
it's only been 3 weeks since my surgery, i'm just being impatient with my healing process.
4 comments:
Nerves normally take at least five months to grow back fully. So be patient. :) I'd hope the scar will gradually soften over time, or become more "slippery" as the skin inside the mouth grows over it.
The latest laser procedures to remove mucocele tend to leave less scarring and don't destroy so many nerve endings (so I've read).
thanks dr. for telling me about the laser procedure after the surgery! lol. (seriously, i don't remember reading about that option in my online research; but maybe i'm just forgetting)
yeah, i know i'm in for a long wait if these nerves ever do grow back.
Re: "and now i fear the prospect of always having a hard scar and numbness on such a integral spot for pleasurable sensations" ...
...... try giving birth.
mom, don't know whether to laugh or cringe. a good jolt to my perspective changes things a bit: i can get over my lip issues. however, you may never get grandchildren. lol.
Post a Comment