Classwork. Homework. Tests.

Why am I paying for organized stress and pressure? Why am I paying to be measured by tools like classwork, homework and tests?

These days, every free moment is spent studying, memorizing, writing and rewriting Korean. I study while in the shower, while hiking, while riding the bus, while trying to go to sleep at night, spelling Korean words in the air, or on my leg or in my head. My brain craves a break and it’s only mid point of week two!

[I can do it. I can do it. I can do it.]

Today I took the third test of the term and I think I did better than test number two which was better than test number one. That’s a sign of progress, a sign of money not wasted I suppose, a sign my brain still works.

I don’t remember learning being this difficult though. I wasn’t the top of my class when I was a student 11 years ago but I never remember feeling that I was sinking in a pool full of swimmers.

Everyday I eagerly get home to review the day’s lesson so that I can catch up with the pace of the class and then review the next day’s materials so that I can get a head of that lost feeling. I’m always chasing something; some Korean word; some Korean expression; some Korean particle (those little buggers are hard to catch).

The after school headaches have me wondering if glasses came after college cause I never remember having sight issues and eye strain and eye fatigue headaches after sitting through hours of instruction.

Today I was 15 minutes late for class because I trusted my Plan A transportation route and steadfastly waited for that dang Jongno 02 Village bus, which apparently, on rainy mornings like today’s, is a complete waste of time as I and the rest of the folks waiting had to watch ~two~ Jongno 02 Village buses pass our stop without stopping due to being occupied to full capacity and when I say full capacity I mean riders spilling over into the entrance/exit steps at the entrance/exit doors, arms and coats and bags smooshed up against the windows foggy from the kind of body heat that can only be generated under such dense conditions, and my Plan B needed more time than was available when I initiated it.

So today I stared my day wet, late, and utterly lost in the lesson, flapping my baby wings helplessly each time I stepped off the branch. *cue missile decent audio clip* It wasn’t a good day for public transportation in Seoul. That’s all I will say about that.

At a time when I’m feeling overwhelmed, lost and like a rock tossed into a pond it’s a strange wonder that I react by planning how to produce more free time (for studying) out of thin air, as though 3 hours of studying, plus the 4 hours in class, and the 3 teaching hours I spend daily to afford to eat, sleep and commute in Korea, plus the 1 hour I spend hiking (on M, W, Fs) plus the 1 hour I spend cooking, eating and cleaning up after my daily homemade lunch, don’t already make for a busy day.

Shampoo only once.
Leave my bed on the floor.
Wear sneakers so I can walk faster.
Forget about the hair; just go with the ponytail holder.
Forget about being stylish; wear the same thing every day until it needs washing so that I don’t have to spend time picking an outfit every day.

It’s time to pull out all the stops.

I say jokingly, “That will give me an extra 5 minutes everyday for studying” while I think quietly, “that will give me an extra 30 minutes everyday for studying”.

It’s a strange wonder I don’t find an easier way.